The Apps Aren’t Perfect, But Neither Is Staying Stuck

If I had a dollar for every time a client said, “I just can’t do the apps,” I’d have… well, enough for a good cocktail and a solid round of fries.

I get it. The endless swiping, awkward small talk, ghosting, and “hey” messages that go nowhere; it’s enough to make anyone want to throw their phone into the nearest body of water. But here's the thing: not one of my clients who says this is uninterested in connection. They’re craving companionship. They want romance, partnership, or just someone to split an app with on a random Thursday night.

And so, as the therapist, I gently offer a reframe:
Can you see online dating as an experience rather than a chore? One worth writing about? Maybe even laughing about later?

Yes, dating apps can be frustrating and emotionally draining. But they’re also a tool. One that, like it or not, gives you access to people you’d likely never cross paths with otherwise. And even a one time date can be a win. You put yourself out there. You got dressed. You had a decent dinner, maybe a good cocktail. Hopefully a second date. And if not? That’s okay too. Because you chose to bring something light, something new, something alive into your routine.

It’s not about “finding the one” on your first swipe. It’s about making space for connection, joy, and maybe even a surprise or two.

You’re allowed to take breaks. You’re allowed to hate the process . But you’re also allowed to try, without shame or pressure, and to feel proud that you were unafraid of the unknown. That alone is reason for a cocktail and round of fries.